In July 2010, I couldn't stand to look at myself. I'd always been big in my eyes, and was overweight as a child, in early to mid 2010 I wasn't overweight but I came very close. It hit me after I looked through some pictures of a night out. I wasn't being hassled or anything because I wasn't technically overweight. I knew plenty of people who were bigger than me, but it wasn't about them, it wasn't about anybody else anymore. I hated what I saw, and that was enough. This shock sent me into sort of a spiral, I started a gym which is perfectly fine, but I started to become obsessed with calories etc. I still always check packets but, it was so bad in July/August I lost 7lbs in a week. Between July and Christmas I lost a stone and a half, my BMI has dropped from 25 to 21.5. Overall I am happy, I guess. I still want my BMI less than 19 though. I'd started taking Iodine pills (sea kelp) last year, which I feel really helped prevent any gain when I slipped, and help me lose a little faster, as they help to speed up your metabolism. I occasionally fast, and check my scales whenever I can. I have never had bulimia, and have no intention of becoming anorexic, just to get that straight.
However I was told to check out an 'EDNOS' site which, for anyone who is unfamiliar, stands for eating disorders not otherwise specified. It turns out this is a community I fit into, 'disordered eating patterns that do not meet the criteria for any specific eating disorder'.
Some information:
This category is frequently used for people who meet some, but not all, of the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa. For example, a person who shows almost all of the symptoms of anorexia nervosa, but who still has a normal menstrual cycle and/or body mass index, can be diagnosed with EDNOS. A sufferer may experience episodes of binging and purging, but may not do so frequently enough to warrant a diagnosis of bulimia nervosa. A person may also engage in binging episodes without the use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors; this is referred to as binge eating disorder. It still is, however, a very real disorder.
People diagnosed with EDNOS may frequently switch between different eating patterns, or may with time fit all diagnostic criteria for anorexia or bulimia.
People who eat a normal amount of food, but become exceedingly obsessed with healthy eating, or strictly categorize normal foods or entire food groups as "safe" and "off-limits", may be referred to as having orthorexia. However, this diagnosis is not formally accepted by the psychiatric community.
I spent so much time hating myself, I was so depressed, I don't want anybody to have to feel that way about their body or their looks.
Aswell as my personal journal, I want to adapt this site to help others girls (and any guys) who feel like this, and ... I know I still have my issues but, I'm getting there...
xx ttfn
Alice.
